Hit-Girl Gets PWNED
by shaqfu
Summary: Some titles say it all. Rated M because Mindy opens her mouth.


Hit-Girl reeled back after receiving yet another blow to the face. She was hurt, but she still had life in her. She wasn't going to let her opponent win. She stepped back to put some distance between herself and her opponent, pulled out her handguns, and fired a series of shots, but her opponent managed to evade them. She didn't have time to curse before he came down on top of her. With her opponent sitting on her, her life bar dropped to zero as she let out a defeated moan. Battle-Guy stood in his victory pose. With his second straight win, Battle-Guy was declared the winner of yet another match.

* * *

"THIS IS BULLSHIT!" Mindy screamed as she threw down the controller. "THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL MARTY COULD BEAT ME! NOT IN A BILLION YEARS!" she continued as she stood up and started pacing. Dave grinned as he sat back and watched Mindy work herself up into a full scale rant. He would never admit it to her even under threat of torture, but watching Mindy fly off the handle over a video game had been something he wanted to see, and was the primary reason he invited her to play with him today.

It all started when Capcom was looking for new opponents for its stable of characters to fight. Capcom was familiar with superheroes, having already done a long running series featuring characters from Marvel comics. The real-life superheroes who had emerged in New York seemed like a good fit, and "Justice Forever vs. Capcom" was born. Dave became enthusiastic about the game as soon as he read about it being in development. He followed reports about it closely in all of the game magazines, and websites. Later, he stood outside of the store at midnight to buy the game as soon as it was released, and being a dutiful geek, had purchased all of the downloadable content for the game including extra fighters and alternate outfits.

There was something to be said about the sheer coolness factor of playing a video game where you are one of the main characters, and Dave had spent the last week playing relentlessly. He read about the game extensively on all of the online game guides where he studied all of the special moves, and the strategies for each character. This of course led to him discovering one of the unusual quirks of the game. The designers had taken note of Battle-Guy's body shape, and decided to have a little fun with it. They gave him a move where he could sit on his opponent and do massive amounts of damage. Marty laughed it off before going to McDonald's for a double quarter-ponder with cheese extra value meal with a diet Coke. Of course, Dave was the type of player who loved cheap moves, and Battle-Guy quickly surpassed Kick-Ass as his favorite character in the game. He invited Mindy over to play the game with him, and cheesed the hell out of her for the past twenty minutes.

Unfortunately, Mindy was not the good sport that Marty was, and she was continuing to make that fact known. "AND SERIOUSLY, THEY COULDN'T GIVE ME ANY FATALITIES! WHAT'S THE POINT OF PUTTING ME IN THE GAME IF I CAN'T DISMEMBER SOMEONE! THAT'S WHAT BEING HIT-GIRL IS ALL ABOUT!" Mindy Shouted. "Well, fatalities would have caused the game to get a M rating, and the developers obviously want to market it towards a broader audience. Labeling the game for players age seventeen and up would take away from that, even if the M rating has never stopped children from playing video games. Also, even if you had fatalities, you'd have to win the match first so they wouldn't do you any good," Dave said grinning.

Ignoring him, Mindy started shouting again,"AND MY BULLETS WERE MOVING SO SLOWLY THAT THEY COULD EASILY BE DODGED!...WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING," Mindy screamed. "I SHOULD GO TO JAPAN AND SEE IF THOSE FUCKING BASTARDS CAN DODGE BULLETS! AND WHILE I'M AT IT I'LL SEE HOW FAST THEY MOVE AFTER GETTING HIT BY ONE!" Mindy continued her rant. By this point, Mindy was also beginning to cycle through her formidable vocabulary of Italian, Spanish, and Russian swear words as well. After her profanity laden rant hit the fifteen minute mark, Dave chose to silence her with a kiss. It was short, and sweet, but it did the job.

"What the hell was that for?" Mindy asked with her face flushed from the kiss. "I'm sorry," Dave replied. "But, you're incredibly beautiful when you get worked up like that." "So," Mindy said, "I guess you're constantly in awe of my beauty." "Don't you know it." Dave replied.

"So, you bought all of the DLC for this game even though it will all probably be included in the game of the year edition?" Mindy asked. "Yes," Dave replied. "How often do we get a chance to see ourselves and our friends in a video game. I wanted to enjoy the experience as much as I could and didn't want to spare any expense." "They must have really seen you coming," Mindy teased.

"Hey, Capcom is donating a percentage of the profits from the game to charities that Justice Forever has been known to volunteer for so its for a good cause. The funny thing is I'm not done yet. Some guys on one of the internet forums have announced that they are working on a mod that I just have to download when its released," Dave said. "What's so special about it?" Mindy asked. "Among other things, it includes Spank-Girl," Dave replied with a smirk. "Spank-Girl?" Mindy asked incredulously. "Is she a superhero or a soft-core porno?" "Actually, she's an alternate version of Hit-Girl who wears a lot less," Dave replied a little too smugly. The pillow struck him with enough force to knock him down.

The End


End file.
